My Bulimia Story

Comments

1. Hey! Thanks so much for that, I cant tell you how nice it is to hear that i'm reaching people through this site and that it was worth the effort:) I think your so brave to open up, how is it going? i hope your recieving the support you deserve. Yeah i hear you its a bit of a nightmare getting help in the UK. I hope also that you manage to get some professional help. Feel free to email me anytime through the contact page.

   Best wishes and thanks again

   Jayce

   x x

   (Posted on 2010-03-04 12:01:00 by aardy)

2. I just wanted to say how great this site is and that I hope you're doing well. I've recently (4 days ago) admitted to those close to me that I have a problem with bulimia (undiagnosed, because UK doctors are rubbish and there's a waiting list to see the shrink!) but am now finding it more of a struggle than ever to cope with food, eating and just keeping control of myself and my emotions.

   Sites like this have been a great inspiration and a help dealing with everything that's going on at the moment and it's good to know that those of us who are aware of what we're doing to ourselves aren't alone.

   Thank you

   (Posted on 2010-03-03 11:42:00 by sam)

3. Hello There Sam

   Firstly thank you for reading my story…I’m up and down lately but a lot better in general, maybe because I’m more aware and it helps me not to understand my behaviour. I think it comes with the territory that through this ED we learn a lot about ourselves….which in a way is a positive?

   I relate so well to everything you said….its cracking that you kicked the cocaine habit, just think now at least you only have bulimia to deal with. When I’m not binging I starve myself, and its hard! Never a happy medium, I have problems with my teeth and it only adds to the shame which makes the ED worse. And I too would much prefer people to think I was anorexic than bulimic, because in our minds (and I guess society too) anorexic have tremendous self-control, bulimia is associated with ‘greed’ opposed to a method of ‘filling the void’/coping mechanism ect….Are you having any therapy? It can really help…It would be great If you could write down your experiences and what you think lead to bulimia ect as your own story…I’ll put it up with comments box so that you can receive some support? I have some recovery videos with some useful tips about recovery and my general triumphs and struggles

   I think we need to grab our youth by the tail, we still have many great years of life ahead, which we can choose to live healthily and to the fullest. If you need someone to talk to who understands, email me via the contact us page, I’m also on twitter (aardy89/Jaycee Fraser)

   Best wishes

   Jayce xx

   (Posted on 2010-02-06 19:57:00 by aardy)

4. Thank you so much for sharing your story. How are you doing now?

   I've been struggling with bulimia for 6 years, im 20 now. I got really into cocaine for awhile and I went to rehab for that, but all that did was make my bulimia worse. I’m sure you can relate when I say im so ashamed... I really cant take this anymore ive tried for so long to stop purging, I want to stop god knows I’ve tried for so long. When Im not binging and purging I don’t eat much and get real thin, and that only lasts a few months at the most and then im back to bulimia. I’m such a mess right now. I read something someone wrote about feeling an adrenaline rush from binging and purging. …its been years since I felt that and it makes me sad that those girls will soon end up like me. I have 13 cavities and I need 6 root canals. I put off going to the dentist for so long, I cant imagine what the dentist thinks.. probably that I’m bulimic and all the work and money going into my mouth will be all for nothing! Ive been telling myself that once I get my teeth fixed then I wont purge, but realistically I know that wont stop me, but if I wait any longer I think my teeth will fall out. Again, only 20… I don’t know how to stop, I hate bulimia I hate it so much and I wish I was addicted to drugs instead, because that’s more socially acceptable. I know that’s pathetic, but I can’t tell my dad I’m bulimic! This may sound strange, but I tell myself that ill get help when I get down to a certain weight, that way I can make my dad believe im anorexic, not stuffing my face with food and puking. I’m sorry if you actually read all this, I guess im just venting..

   Thank you again for this site! :)

   (Posted on 2010-02-05 04:32:00 by sam)

5. Hey sweetie. I just wanted to remind you how much of an inspiration you are to me, and probably to most people here. Your story inspires me because I see the strength within you to fight and I think that will in the end help you to beat this. You are a beautiful soul and I thank you for this website and all the support you give us all. Many big hugs! *SQUEEEZZZZYS*

   (Posted on 2009-12-07 20:58:00 by faeriejayne)

6. Aardy,

   I can`t believe you story...it sounds exactly like mine...i just posted a reply to one of your comments on bulimiahelp.org and then decided to check out your website.

   Like i said in my other comment, I also have siblings that I feel it`s my responsibility to care fore. When my parents were going through their divorce, they were basically only focused on that and seemed to have forgotten about their kids. I kinda took over the parenting job and was cooking meals, doing laundry and trying to steer my brother and sisters through life as best I could (i was 15 and my brother was 14, my sisters 11 nand 9) I am now 20 too.

   At the time, I grew apart from both my parents. My dad and I had been really close...almost too close now that I think of it. I was like his best friend and he confided in me about how much he hated my mom and how he was struggling with money and how unhappy he was. I think he was and still is depressed and I felt it was my responsibility to take care of him. This also pushed me away from my mom because all I could think about were the negative things he said about her.

   I then went to university two years ago (like you I am an achiever, studying mechanical engineering and somehow maintaining good grades) and I met my boyfriend Omar. We had the most amazing year together. Unfortunately, that was his last year in university and he decided to go to med school in Dublin the next year (i live in Montreal). It was devastating to be so far away from him. He was the only person in a long time that I felt close with, who made me feel safe. I went to visit him at Christmas and we actually decided to break up. That was the tipping point for me. I have always been active (playing ice hockey, swimming competitively) and pretty healthy and when i started to binge to help deal with all my emotions (at the time my dad was also still going through his crisis and basically cut me off financially) i noticed i started to gain weight. Then I saw this show about how jockeys purge often to reduce their weight to be lighter for the horses and I thought `well, duh! that`s how i`ll stay skinny...that`s what i`ll have control over. It`ll be my own secret. I also felt that since i am such a perfectionist, it felt good to have some terrible secret...like finally people couldn`t say i was perfect...i hate when they say that. Just because i have good grades at school, does not mean i`ve got everything together, u know?

   Anyway, i started getting really depressed all the time and the summer was really rough becase i stayed in montreal to work (my family lives in toronto) and i just felt so alone. i had a few friends here with me, but no one really close. I think that loneliness and boredom are huge triggers for me.

   anyway, like i said in the other blog. i haven't purged in almost 3 weeks (this wed!) and feel so much better. all the other stresses are still there, but i have more energy to deal with them.

   I can't believe how similar our stories are. thank you so much for creating this website! Hang in there, you can get through this! I'll be looking forward to your next post.

   Later :)

   (Posted on 2009-11-30 06:49:00 by alexina16)

7. I find these comments soo motivating!! I can't thank you enough for reading my story and for taking the time to comment! It Makes me feel much less alone and its nice to be reassured that i'm reaching people!

   Best regards and thank you so much!

   xxx

   (Posted on 2009-09-28 07:38:00 by aardy)

8. Hi. Just read your story and felt the need to comment- it was really moving actually, and you're a very brave person for sharing something so honest online. You've clearly been through a lot, and to get past all that, you're a strong person- a lot stronger than you probably give yourself credit for. Having such a horrible turn of events in your early teens after a good childhood makes it hard for your head not to get messed up for a while, and trust me on that one. (I was a pretty screwed up 13 year old, and also developed an ed.) It's really good that you've identified the cause of the problem, and it's great to see that you're ready to move on. Everyone's different, but perhaps writing down a list of all the things you hope to achieve at some stage- like hopes and dreams or even just random insignificant things, and sticking the list up somewhere might help give you something to focus when you're trying to recover. And try not to be too disheartened by the relapse- I know that at times it may make your recovery harder, knowing that you might slip back to the way you were before, but never forget that if you were able to get through your bulimia and anorexia once, you can certainly to it again, especially now that you appear to have a much clearer mind. You can do it. You are strong enough. Never forget it. Your story has been very inspiring. Well done for beginning your recovery, and good luck for the rest of your journey! :)

   (Posted on 2009-09-27 23:53:00 by anonymous)

9. hey!, thank you for reading and commenting, its really kind. with support like that i'm sure to work through it, not an easy process but i want anyone reading to know that it CAN be done!

   thanks again

   xx

   (Posted on 2009-09-19 08:24:00 by aardy)

10. Hello, I read your story and I thing that you are a very brave person! From my point of view you are one of the lucky ones who realise that their eating habits are indeed hurting them. Most of the people I know with an ED dont even realise what they are doing is actually causing them harm. I wish you will be able to work on the issues that eventually caused your bulimia through therapy and eventually get out of it. You can to it!!

    (Posted on 2009-09-17 08:11:00 by rania)